My Boyfriend Kurt
by aalikane
Summary: Kurt is having dinner at the Anderson's and makes the mistake of mentioning that he is interested in Cars. Enter the "expert witness" scene from the movie My Cousin Vinny.


Author's Note: Just something I thought of earlier today, oddly enough while I was thinking about how much I love greasemonkey!kurt. I couldn't let it pass me by.

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. Includes all characters and quotes from _My Cousin Vinny_, towards the end of the story. Enjoy :)

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><p>'Well this was an awkward situation.' Kurt thought to himself. He found himself sitting at the Anderson's dinner table across from Blaine. James Anderson to his left, and Julie Anderson to his right. Things were very quiet. Blaine kept looking across the table at Kurt and giving him an apologetic face, as if he needed to apologize for his parents inability to say anything interesting in the face of their son's first boyfriend, something they still weren't completely okay with. Well…James wasn't too fond of his son having a boyfriend…Julie seemed slightly better with the fact, but not as much as Kurt's parents were.<p>

In an attempt to bring something to the dinner table that wasn't just an awkward silence, Julie spoke up. "So Kurt, what are some of your interests?" she asked, genuinely wanting to know what this teenage boy was interested in since he seemed so far from the norm that she just had to know.

"Well Mrs. Anderson," Kurt started, looking at Blaine with a slight nervousness. "Like Blaine, I'm very focused on singing and acting," he smiled. "While I attended Dalton I was on the Warblers, and now back at McKinley, I am on the Glee club there."

"Is your glee club any good?" Julie asked. Blaine answered this time.

"They're brilliant. They beat the Warblers at Regionals this year."

"Sadly, I wasn't with them at the time." Kurt lamented. "I was still with the Warblers. Though I got my first competition solo with the Warblers." He smiled coyly at Blaine and the two of them blushed. "I transferred back a few weeks after Regionals. I'd been missing them for quite some time and it had taken this long for me to…safely go back."

"What happened that made it an unsafe place?" Julie asked, while James still stared at his plate, not bothering to look at any of the three who were talking.

"Bullies. One in particular who decided that his homophobia was reason enough to threaten my life." She gasped and James looked slightly shocked, but still did not look up.

"That's horrible. I know bullies can be horrible. Look at what happened with Blaine." She glanced at her son. "But that never happened with him…..right Blaine?" She looked worried but Blaine shook his head.

"No mom. Just the slurs, taunting, and that one particular day where I was punched in the face." He whispered. Even though Kurt had heard this before, he hated that his boyfriend had gone through bullying as well.

"Either way, one of my friends found out a rather…deep secret about my bully and is currently blackmailing him. She's got him on such a short leash that he can't leave for the bathroom without her permission. If I had less morals, I'd probably have done the same."

"It's horrible that you had to deal with that, but great that things are better now." Everyone, sans James nodded. "So what else are you into? Clearly by the way you've dressed today, that you're not a fashion disaster like most boys your age."

"Hah." Blaine muttered.

"Hush you," Kurt told Blaine before addressing his mother. "Yes actually, I'm very fashion conscious. I fully plan on going to school to be a fashion designer once I graduate."

"That's great!"

"And if my fashion career fails, and singing and acting fails as a backup…I can always return to my dad's car shop and work as a mechanic. Though spending my days in coveralls would seriously kill my spirit." It was then that James' head lifted up in a flash.

"You know about cars?" James asked, and everyone's heads whipped in his general direction, shocked that he actually said something.

"Mhm." Kurt answered slowly. "My dad has owned his own garage since before I was born. I grew up around cars. I guess you can say it's one of the few stereotypical 'guy' interests that I've actually come to love." Kurt admitted proudly.

"I find that…hard to believe." James admitted.

"Dad!" Blaine said at the same time Julie said "James!"

"It's not a problem. Most people do find it hard to believe. Especially when half the football team from McKinley comes to get their cars fixed at my dad's garage and then have an internal struggle with themselves, wondering if they trust me enough not to damage their car in the process." He chuckled to himself.

"You're a certified mechanic?" Kurt nods.

"Yep, been certified since I was 14. Worked in my dad's garage regularly since I was 12, and sporadically since I was 8."

"Impressive."

"It's one of the few things I consider myself an expert in…aside from fashion that is."

"So…what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet, with a 327 cubic-inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor?"

"Umm….that's a B.S. question.." Kurt stared awkwardly at the older man to his left.

"Does that mean you can't answer it?" James smiled evily.

"It's a B.S. question, it's impossible to answer."

"Impossible, because you don't know the answer?" Kurt shook his head adamantly and huffed.

"Nobody could answer that question!" he raised his voice.

"Can you answer the question?" Julie asked her son's boyfriend.

"No. It is a trick question."

"Why is it a trick question?" She once again asked.

Blaine just smirked, leaned over towards his mom and said "Watch this."

"Cause Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55, the 327 didn't come out till '62." Kurt looked directly at James as he said this. "And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till '64." he smiled smugly. "However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top-dead-center."

James just sat there unable to speak as Blaine burst out laughing and Julie attempted to hide her laughter behind her hand. Kurt leaned back in his chair and continued to smile his smug smile. He had just both impressed and outplayed his boyfriend's father in one fell swoop

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><p>As always, reviews are appreciated :)<p> 


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